im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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