i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
