fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
