Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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