Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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