just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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