so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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