Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
