i just wanna soil my oats bro
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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