If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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