....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
