he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
