If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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