why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize