mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
