I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
