What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
