I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
