Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
