Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
