Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just puked most of my soul out..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
