he puts the penis in happiness.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
