Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
