I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
