Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
