We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
