just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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