Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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