he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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