I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
