Duck Duck Cougar?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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