what day is it and did you see me today?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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