is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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