Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My balls are so social today.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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