I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
