mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You're like the curious george of whores
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
