I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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