i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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