my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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