I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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