i just wanna soil my oats bro
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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