Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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