farters have to be the big spoon...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize