I accidentally had phone sex last night
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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