fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FUCK WHALES
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
