...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
