sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
