apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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