I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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