When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
