I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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