That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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