Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
