I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone came in the potted fern
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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