Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
