Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
